SCT: April 2006

"D" is working on his desk looking very busy and nothing is occupying his mind but work and projects.

"J" is working as well, but with a very busy mind. He is in her eye sight and she is looking at his end every 3 seconds. She is listening to music trying to drag her attention to other things like the project that she has to wrap in a matter of hours.

"D" is a very successful man with a lot of opportunities in life to look up to. He needs no body to tell him how handsome he is or how promising his future is for what it matters. He knows that he is in the right track and needs no one to help him get what he wants.

"J" is a beautiful young lady who is full of energy and dreams. Dreams that she knows may not come true but she still keeps them alive in her imagination. She is a hard worker who is still planning for here 2nd step in her thousand mile trip in this life.

"D" can build his life anywhere- he was in other places before and he lived different lives previously. He can draw his life in any canvas he find in his way with all the colors of the wind.

"J" can't see her self growing in any other place but the one she knows and loves since she was a child. She would like to see the world; she believes that God didn't create earth so big and vast so that we can live and die in the same spot. She believes that she has to explore and learn more. But she always wants to come back to where her roots are/were.

"D" is very vague and don't talk much about his life and about him self. He is so discrete and preservative. On the other hand, he is so open and cheerful. He gives you a feeling of security when he looks at you with his green/gray warm eyes. He makes you laugh with his childish acts. He makes you listen when he is serious and he makes you live a fantasy with him when he is dreaming. He makes you live with him a thousand lives!

"J" is a dreamy girl who got attracted to such a magical personality. He has all what she calls "The characteristics of prince charming". She knows, however, that prince charming exists only in fairytales. She is so realistic. She breaks her self over and over again against the rocks of reality. She is full of broken dreams and open wounds which needs long time of healing.

"D" was in love before and he takes his experiences with open heart. He learns from them and goes on in his life.

"J" never been kissed before- never been in love before! This is her first experience with love. She doesn't know if she will recover, yet. She knows that she will eventually go on with her life though. Whether she recovers from her disease or not she knows that life goes on and that she has to give up someday.

"D" was attracted to her before but doesn't know how she is doing now. He minds his own business. He just wants to work and live his life peacefully.

"J" avoids taking any action that may humiliate her further more. She did enough to get his attention. Nothing turned out to be useful with such an experienced person who knows exactly what he needs and what he should avoid.

"D" is a wonderful man who deserves the best in his life.

"J" wishes him all the best and still wishes if he will change his mind any time in the future and come back to her! She promises that she will not revisit old stories and that she will start a new white page all over again.

Note that "J" was always tough and never allowed any one to trespass her territories (heart). "D" was the rock against which all her borders and guards where crashed.

Does this tell you what Love is?

- Love is a serial killer. It leaves one bleeding victim to the other. Some people control this psycho killer- like "D" in this story- and others run right into its arms and never realize their mistake until they bleed all their hearts out for it.

- Love is a storm; sand storm which keeps you blind for a long time. You either close your eyes thus never get affected with it or you can act stupidly curious to see the eye of the storm and damage your eyes for ever.

- Love is the light at the end of the tunnel. Some people just fight viciously not to be dragged towards it and if they are strong enough they survive it. Others foolishly run towards it thinking it is their savior just to find death waiting for them with its lifeless face at the end of the tunnel.

- Love is a drug. Strong beings take it when they need it and drop it when it starts to control them. Weak people take it to live their illusions. It controls them and takes away their dignity and well, thus for they end up being dead.

I would like to end this with a thought;

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the Spring becomes a Rose...

In the process of deciding my future I should look at my traditions and STRONG roots to help me in deciding how I want to mould my future family. It is my decision. I believe in that and I know it should be the rule in my life. I should stick to my values and beliefs and never change them for any one. But, I believe this is not easy too.

Will our traditions as Arabs and our historical beliefs about how girls should act and according to which rules, will they allow me as a girl to choose my destiny?

I will leave that to you to answer. Right now, please read on.

We are three girls in the family, very educated- or so we have been told- and very ambitious. We work in prestigious companies, we occupy good positions and we are –so far- respected and favoured by our colleagues. With that said, we are still judged according to whether we are married or not!

Our Arabian society bounds a girl to a certain marriage age, an expiry date in other words. If she got married before that date, she is a successful human being who is identified through how many kids she delivered and her husband's commitment to her and visa versa. If she missed the date, she is doomed for misery!

Life sucks man. This is not right. I should be the master of my decision. Why do I have to earn my respect through the shadow of some one else in my life who is called my husband? I would love to get married but not to any one. I’m not looking to live a stormy love story - although I wish if I can- but at least I want to find the closest match to ME!

Being hasty about it and throwing my self into the arms of the first man I see in my life just to please family and society is not the answer to anything.

We have a lot of respect in our religions to marriage and what depends on it. Why people are so insistent to destroy all what is beautiful about it!

What we call “zawaj el saloonat” or the “arranged marriage” has been around for ages now. There is nothing wrong with it, or there was nothing wrong with it until mothers, sisters and sisters in low started to come into a girl’s house only to go to another house and talk about her. “She has a long nose”, “she is dark in colour” “she is short” “her eyes are small” “she wears glasses” “she is fat” “the house is not nice” and you can imagine the rest of the story.

They take the groom’s orders about what he sees/needs in his bride. Accordingly, the house women launch an expedition to find “snow white” for “prince charming”!

The demands are usually “very fair skin (no melanin preferred), coloured eyes, light hair, tall, thin, wonderful body, and no brains”. These are common requests by our young men these days. Pay attention- all are physical, nothing spiritual or educational at all. According to my experience, they never find her but in portraits. No offence, but guys, my mother got phone calls from women who are looking for these characteristics! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING ABOUT? I believe that they don’t have brains to use in order to think in the first place. Even if i possess all of these characteristics, I shouldn't accept the proposal if I have some dignity available.

If I only know that these characteristics are accompanied by some others like “she must be well educated, she must have a good sense of humour…” ya3ni, things like that, I would have been in favour of the topic/idea.

The process is so humiliating to the extent that we, girls, feel as if we are some kind of a commodity that is presented for sale. With all the effort that we put to look and act nice towards the women who visit us at homes, they react always with no respect at all towards us. We have feelings you know. We happen to be human beings just like your precious grooms. The only thing that we lack is the perfect image that your children are seeking.

What can I say? Alla yesami7 eli kan el sabab.

Regards,