SCT: The Mona Lisa Portrait

In the process of deciding my future I should look at my traditions and STRONG roots to help me in deciding how I want to mould my future family. It is my decision. I believe in that and I know it should be the rule in my life. I should stick to my values and beliefs and never change them for any one. But, I believe this is not easy too.

Will our traditions as Arabs and our historical beliefs about how girls should act and according to which rules, will they allow me as a girl to choose my destiny?

I will leave that to you to answer. Right now, please read on.

We are three girls in the family, very educated- or so we have been told- and very ambitious. We work in prestigious companies, we occupy good positions and we are –so far- respected and favoured by our colleagues. With that said, we are still judged according to whether we are married or not!

Our Arabian society bounds a girl to a certain marriage age, an expiry date in other words. If she got married before that date, she is a successful human being who is identified through how many kids she delivered and her husband's commitment to her and visa versa. If she missed the date, she is doomed for misery!

Life sucks man. This is not right. I should be the master of my decision. Why do I have to earn my respect through the shadow of some one else in my life who is called my husband? I would love to get married but not to any one. I’m not looking to live a stormy love story - although I wish if I can- but at least I want to find the closest match to ME!

Being hasty about it and throwing my self into the arms of the first man I see in my life just to please family and society is not the answer to anything.

We have a lot of respect in our religions to marriage and what depends on it. Why people are so insistent to destroy all what is beautiful about it!

What we call “zawaj el saloonat” or the “arranged marriage” has been around for ages now. There is nothing wrong with it, or there was nothing wrong with it until mothers, sisters and sisters in low started to come into a girl’s house only to go to another house and talk about her. “She has a long nose”, “she is dark in colour” “she is short” “her eyes are small” “she wears glasses” “she is fat” “the house is not nice” and you can imagine the rest of the story.

They take the groom’s orders about what he sees/needs in his bride. Accordingly, the house women launch an expedition to find “snow white” for “prince charming”!

The demands are usually “very fair skin (no melanin preferred), coloured eyes, light hair, tall, thin, wonderful body, and no brains”. These are common requests by our young men these days. Pay attention- all are physical, nothing spiritual or educational at all. According to my experience, they never find her but in portraits. No offence, but guys, my mother got phone calls from women who are looking for these characteristics! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING ABOUT? I believe that they don’t have brains to use in order to think in the first place. Even if i possess all of these characteristics, I shouldn't accept the proposal if I have some dignity available.

If I only know that these characteristics are accompanied by some others like “she must be well educated, she must have a good sense of humour…” ya3ni, things like that, I would have been in favour of the topic/idea.

The process is so humiliating to the extent that we, girls, feel as if we are some kind of a commodity that is presented for sale. With all the effort that we put to look and act nice towards the women who visit us at homes, they react always with no respect at all towards us. We have feelings you know. We happen to be human beings just like your precious grooms. The only thing that we lack is the perfect image that your children are seeking.

What can I say? Alla yesami7 eli kan el sabab.

Regards,